Revocation of "Rights" & Decision Making

When you put a wedding band on your wife or got your girl pregnant; you IMMEDIATELY gave up all your bachelorhood "rights" (privileges). So, instead of being an arse when things don't go your way or when you are made to do something you don't feel like doing, please realize that *you* made the choice to be a husband or father.......

Now suck it up princess! And stop trying to live like a bachelor!

Ps: You don't get to choose when you feel like being a dad or husband...just like being a wife and mommy, it's 24/7 from the moment you say "I do".

As you can tell this is going to be lengthy as I've definitely felt unappreciated at times for all I do as a mother and wife.

Here's a starter list of things that you are no longer entitled to as a husband/father:
 (please note: most of these are more towards those of you with young children; and if you are given one of these you should be giving something back to your woman in return and not take it for granted!)

• More than 15 minutes in the shower
• Longer than 15 minutes to eat a meal
• Being able to actually finish watching a TV show/movie during daytime/early evening hours
• Being able to snack on sweets in between meals - because if you're not going to let the kids have some, you shouldn't be eating it, AND if you let the kids have some right before a meal you're going to ruin their appetite and infuriate their mother.
• Sleep in every day you have off -once in awhile is okay; if you have kids, you should be up no later than an hour after they are up
•  Taking 30 minutes or longer to get up and dressed after being woken up
•  Doing what you want, when you want
•  Doing housework when you feel like it
•  Having full control on everything; for example: ignoring the mother's child rearing techniques/rules (Yes, you may be their father but unless you are a full time stay at home dad, you need to let go and realize that because mommy is home all the time and is working 24/7 in childcare; they should have the final word on how the children should be raised/disciplined SO GET ON BOARD! Because when you try to do things "your way", you make the pattern/routine take a few steps backwards, and then the next time you are not there, it make things harder for us to handle. Yet, ladies, as I have found out the hard way...sometimes hubbies have good ideas too and it doesn't hurt to listen and try out a few things!)
• Wearing the same clothing items for more than a day in a row (and yes, there are some exceptions to this)
•  Hanging out with other females (not every woman will care about this one, but, even if they say they don't, deep down it really might bother them. Yet, women need to realize if they can have male friends, then their men can have female friends...it can't go just one way....sorry, you can't have your cake and eat it to on this one ladies.

This list will probably get added to over time....but, those are the main things that will set a woman off.

One thing that irritates women the most about their husbands is that they have to ask them to do simple tasks, like the dishes.


If there is housework to be done, or a lawn in need of mowing, or garbage needing to be taken out - get it done before she has to ask and you'll get stars on your "woohoo list" (see first post). And if she has to ask more than once for something to be done, you get marks on your "doghouse list" (see first post). Especially if it has been three days since she asked for something to be done or has mentioned something that had to be done.
Also, when you are done doing something, ask if there is anything else she might want done. My hubby gets stars on his "woohoo list" when he does this!!

PLEASE NOTE: if your woman is busy doing other household stuff, or is not feeling well, and there is housework needing to be done....don't sit on your arse playing with your IPAD or Xbox or reading...get off your butt and get them done so she doesn't have to ask!!

"Hun, could you please do the dishes" - means: Do the dishes now if you're not busy, or as soon as you are done what you are doing(except if it is something leisure related).
 Do all the dishes - if this means drying some because they all won't fit on the rack...then dry some. Make sure the stove and counter are wiped off and the sink cleaned out afterwards.
 Now, some people will go beyond that and want them dried and put away then as well, depends on your woman....we air dry ours so I'm just happy if they get washed.
HOWEVER - if you've done the dishes and they are in the rack drying, then you dirty more dishes....do NOT leave them in the sink dirty...take a minute and wash them....if the ones in the rack are dry, put them away....it's common sense really.....

Now for my "I'm sorry Hun" list from me to my hubby.......personal experiences.......hope you learn something.
I'm sorry Hun but, the kids are going to wake you up by jumping on you and probably accidentally knee you in the crotch.
I'm sorry Hun but you might have to get up 50 times while trying to eat your meal to help one of the kids.
I'm sorry Hun that your food got cold -that's why we have a microwave.
I'm sorry Hun that they spilled your coffee, are you really unable to go make more?
I'm sorry Hun that I interrupted your watching Star Trek to help me with something, even though I am sick.
I'm sorry Hun that you only got to sleep in for two hours and then only got another two hours to have your smoke, coffee, breakfast and shower.
I'm sorry Hun that I forget to say please and thank you every time I want you to do something.
I'm sorry Hun that you have to visit and hang out from time to time with my family and friends.
I'm sorry Hun that I sometimes snore and wake you up at night, even though you come to bed late and wake me up if I actually get to go to bed early.
I'm sorry Hun that I make you watch the kids while I go to a meeting.
I'm sorry Hun that I have to borrow your car when mine is broken.
I'm sorry Hun that I seem to waste/spend more "extra" money than  you. I gave up smoking and because you still smoke, I feel I am entitled to at least a part of that money that I would've spent on cigarettes. And I usually end up spending it on stuff we need and yes, a treat for the kids once a month.
I'm sorry Hun that I am not as perky or skinny as I once was.
I'm sorry Hun that I complain to my mother about you, but, right now she's my only friend; and I know you complain about me to her too so I think that makes us equal.
I'm sorry Hun that I feed our children the same things - we are on a limited budget and I have to buy groceries to last a month or longer. I buy what I know they will eat, rather then waste money on food that they won't eat. I focus on their needs rather then trying to make gourmet meals...and for that Hun, I'm sorry.
I'm sorry Hun that I make dents in your plans for the day....maybe we can start working together on this and plan as best we can the night before.
I'm sorry Hun that I am a morning person and you are not. Some days you're just going to have to get your arse up and moving!
I'm sorry Hun that I complain and don't always find the positive in everything, and that I worry about things. Generalized anxiety will do that do ya. I'm not perfect and I know it...and you knew it to before you married me....so stop focusing on my negatives and help me focus on the good things.
I'm sorry Hun that I like to be in control and plan and keep to a schedule. That's what being a full time mom is all about, and I'm not the only one out there that is like this.
I'm sorry Hun that you feel attacked every time I try to point out an easier way of doing things. It is not my intention to hurt you, I merely want you to see that there might be an easier way of doing things...that just maybe...sometimes...I am right too.
I'm sorry Hun that you don't think I respect, admire, and love you. But, in truth, I wouldn't be here if I didn't. I just want you to be more in tune with me and how I feel.....instead of always seeming to focus on your wants and needs.
I'm sorry Hun but making me out to be the bad guy when you are in the wrong....is not cool. I am only trying to point out the problem so we can avoid it next time, or making a suggestion on how to make things work better. You are not being attacked or put down...I'm just trying to make you more aware of what you don't hear or see. Maybe listening to everything I have to say before you comment would help.
I'm sorry Hun but yelling "GET OUT!" to the children when they are waking you up in the morning or telling them to get away from you, before you've had your first smoke and coffee is NOT okay with me. Not responding to them if they are asking you questions while you are doing something is NOT okay (and yelling at them to be quiet or leave you alone when you are doing something, is also NOT okay). All parents raise their voices, but, it'd be real nice if they got it less from you.
I'm sorry Hun but calling me a "lazy walrus" is not okay...especially when I am not even close to being a lazy person...and when I am someone who has weight issues.
I'm sorry Hun but if I don't want you to take the kids somewhere or let them do something I have a good reason for it and should not have to give you a justified answer as to why it's a no. (I also realize Hun, that I made the mistake of recently trying to get you to justify why you didn't want the kids in the shed, and I apologize for this...I should have said "okay, I understand you don't want them near it because of the wasps", sorry about that.)
I'm sorry Hun that you do not feel love and support from me. I was the one who got you going in the right direction for school and wouldn't get off your butt to get it done - now look at you...graduating soon...I am SO proud of you!
I'm sorry Hun but you need to find a job, any job, and get working this summer; if you don't get the one you applied for. I do not want to spend another summer relying on social assistance because you refuse to take a minimum wage job or a job you dislike. Making an effort to support your family is better then not doing anything. Social assistance will supplement the income you make. So I really don't care how many hours you work, so long as you are making an effort to find work; so *I* know that you really are committed to this family.
I'm sorry Hun but most people in this world, do not like what they do for a living....and it sucks...but, if you want to have a family, you need to do WHATEVER it takes...including working a minimum wage part time job.
I'm sorry Hun that my health has been crappy for the past few years....good thing they are finally getting things figured out!
I'm sorry Hun that I will no longer borrow money from my family when you are out of cigarettes. You need to get back to the DR if Champix doesn't work for you and find another option.
I'm sorry Hun but I married you because I love you and I am in this for the long haul! XoXoXo

The following was taken from a forum on http://www.healthboards.com/

What to do when my wife gets me angry?

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My wife is a good person but sometimes she does not think before she does something. However, she does not mean anything by it and does not deserve for me to get angry and the yelling that goes on when that happens.


Basically I would like some alternatives to yelling at my wife when I hit that anger point. I dont get angry that often (generally a few times a year), but when I do it is very hurtful and destructive. If I can get past those 2-10 minutes when I am angry about something without causing a bunch of chaos it would be very helpful. I almost always am calm and pretty much over it after 10 minutes. However she hurts for days as she is more sensitive about it, and I dont like to see that.

ANSWER:

 Your wife is fortunate to have a husband who cares about her feelings like you do, and that you recognize how your occasional outburst hurt her. If you only have a few times a year to overcome, it should be pretty easy.

 When you feel the anger come up, step back, take 50 breath's, count to 100, or whatever number you need, before you speak, or act. Spend those moments focusing on your love for your sweet wife.
It can be easy to act out on those who we love the most, but to respect and treasure the ones you love the most, will serve you forever. Fear and intimidation do not work in matters of love and trust.

Lovingly explain to your wife that your will not yell at her anymore, and ask her to support your efforts to change your behavior. I'll bet she will feel very happy to help, and love you even more.

I think you are well on your way to being a real man, because you care, and protect. 

Links to help:

http://www.aish.com/f/m/48930517.html - An excerpt from "Marriage" by Rabbi Zelig Pliskin, Mesorah Publications, Ltd.

My Wife Is Always Angry - every new hubby should read this.

The Angry Spouse - with checklist!

how-to-stop-yourself-getting-angry-at-your-spouse -Video and Info

Common Marital Problems - Video and More

The following was taken from: http://psychcentral.com

Wives Roles & Marital Satisfaction

By WILL MEEK, PHD

At risk of sounding like a 1950s relationship guide, research out of Iowa State University is making an interesting claim: to achieve high satisfaction in your marriage, let the woman have her way in matters of the relationship. The authors found that women had more intensity for events within the marital relationship, and that women that had male partners who provided more positive feedback and understanding of their concerns were more likely to have satisfying relationships.
My view is slightly more nuanced than the misleading but eye-catching headline “Key to marital happiness? Let the wife have her way”. Essentially, I think that simple acknowledgement of concerns and understanding facilitates better communication, problem solving, and balance of power in a relationship. Men who are able to engage at an intimate emotional level with their wives (obviously just rolling with the stereotypes, but certainly these roles could be reversed) will have a greater level of closeness that would increase satisfaction. Simply letting someone have his/her way would be destructive in the long run and lead to resentment or disengagement.

Advice from Dr Phil:

Roles in Marriage

Did your husband's mother take such good care of him growing up that now he doesn't know how to do anything for himself? If the division of labor in your relationship isn't working, Dr. Phil has advice.

Communicate. Instead of just complaining, be specific about what it is that you want. "We're trainable," says Dr. Phil, on behalf of all men. "You just have to put the dots close together!"

Negotiate. Every relationship is negotiated, and needs to be continually negotiated. Even if you've done things one way for 20 years, it's not too late to find a new way to share responsibilities. Find a division of labor that both of you can live with. Come up with new definitions for your relationship.

Work on things during times of peace. In the heat of an argument is no time to come up with solutions that will work for both of you. Don't expect things to change without working on changing them.

Love every idea for 15 minutes when you hear it. Sometimes we don't even consider ideas, or even elements of them that may work, when they may be a good starting point for compromise.

Try to see things through your partner's eyes. You need not necessarily switch roles completely, but you do need to understand what your spouse is saying.

Remember that your wife is your partner, not your mother. Don't expect her to clean up after you and cut your meat for you. Perhaps your mother did that when you were a child, but you're now in a partnership.

Stop being a "right-fighter." It doesn't matter if you're right if it's just not working. Would you rather be right, or be happily married?

Ask yourself: How much fun are you to live with? You don't want a spouse who resents you. Also, how happy are you making your partner? What can you do to make your spouse happier?

Do you think your spouse will put up with the set-up you've got long term? Don't mess with the nest. "If momma ain't happy, ain't nobody happy," says Dr. Phil.

You teach people how to treat you. Stop tolerating it if you want things to change. Demand that he get more involved in the marriage.